I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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