Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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