Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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