moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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