He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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