I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
