Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
