Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
