This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Please, let me fuck your mom
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
