Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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