you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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