I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
