After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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