The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
