my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
