Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
