Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
True college students do jello shots in the library
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