he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
