Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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