I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
