I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
