I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
