I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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