I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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