I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
