So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
