I wanna bring you to show and tell
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
