Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
