Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
