I look better un-naked...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
