You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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