I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
