Pants 0. Shit 1.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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