508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
