I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
