I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
