Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
