I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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