She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
