We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
