paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
