Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Be still, my beating vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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