I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She announced her abortion via fbk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize