There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
