My room smells like vodka and shame
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize