Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
