Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize