She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
