what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
