ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
