Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
