I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
