Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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