a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
