why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
