There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
