We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
