I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
