Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
