There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
