how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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