i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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