This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
