he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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