New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
