is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
