I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
