My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
