there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
