today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
