if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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