they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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