It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm determined to sit on that face.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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